How To Say Goodbye

The end has finally come. I finished my first semester of college. Now I can put that behind me and be glad that is over. I'm currently on a plane going to Baltimore, trying to not cry. I had to leave someone behind today.
Let me fast forward to September 12, 2013. I was excited for college, yet absolutely terrified. My grandparents came past security with me to bid me farewell. I remember going into the corridor and starting to tear up as I took the last look at my grandparents. It wouldn't be four months until I see them again, which is today.
I never knew I would fall in love while I was out here in Idaho attending college. I thought I would date around and just have fun. No guy ever asked me out and I was bummed. I wanted to be with someone and I felt ready. I finally gave up. It wasn't until November 3, 2013, that I started to talk to Taylor, who asked me out. I remember having a peaceful feeling knowing this is the right thing to do. We went on a date and hit it off really well. Well, if you look at us now we are in a relationship. He's a great guy. He's sweet, kind, considerate, hard-working, loving, knowledgeable, a good example, a great listener, someone I can confide in and talk to for hours. He's just overall an amazing guy that I do not want to let go.
However, I had to let him go this morning. It was a day I've been dreading since my eighteen birthday on November 11th.
I did not sleep at all during the night. I can honestly say I pulled an all-nighter and learned to never drink an energy drink since well it makes me even more tired and makes me sick. Not the smartest move on my part. It's like that saying, "you live and you learn." As I went through this semester I made that my moto.
During the night, I was finishing late night packing and cleaning the bathroom for white glove. I then left early that morning.
My head was pounding, my stomach feeling queasy and I just felt terrible. I wanted to change my flight because I felt so bad. Today is not my day honestly and I will get to that shortly. Taylor sat near me before I went to security and I was just trying to take it all in. I knew from weeks before, I would miss him terribly. He has become a huge part of my life.
I didn't want to ever let me go out those doors of the airport and me past security. I wanted to be in his arms for a long time. I didn't know I would have such a hard time saying goodbye to him. At that moment when I went through security, I was a little bit more worried over my headache and upset stomach. I then grab two bins to put my laptop, cell phone, iPod, belt, shoes and jacket in. I put my backpack in front of one of the bins and my duffel back in the back of the bins. I thought it would be a good idea to push my duffle bag which would make the two bins and my backpack move up, but lo and behold, the bin with my laptop, phone, iPod and belt fell to the floor and I quickly say, "you go to be kidding me?"
I went up to the gate I needed to be near and dropped a couple of things off near a chair because I really needed something carbonated for my stomach. My headache and stomachache was finally starting to feel better. I sit down and call my grandparents to tell them I got behind security and just needed someone to talk to, to pass time. As I was talking to them, it hit me, I was starting to miss Taylor. When I talked about him I couldn't keep my voice even or couldn't read his letter he wrote me because I was upset. I didn't want this day to be here. I wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet.
As I sat on my first plane, I sat next to a girl who attends BYU-Idaho and we talked about how we were both education majors and I happened to talk about Taylor. Nothing wrong with talking about my boyfriend, right? Then, I finally made it into Salt Lake City airport where I started to text and SnapChat him and started to miss him like crazy. I actually got on the plane to Baltimore pretty early because I had priority boarding, so I decided to read his letter and started to cry like a fool in my seat. I don't think anyone saw me sitting here crying.
Now as I write this blog post and reflect on the time I had with Taylor, I start to get teary-eyed and think of how grateful we are to live in a technological era where we can FaceTime, Skype, or do Google Hangouts with anyone, anytime, in any place.
Saying goodbye is the hardest when it is a love one. Did I expect to have so much trouble with leaving? No, not at first.
On a lighter note, it is not my day because well, I dropped my phone in snow, wasn't feeling good, said goodbye to my boyfriend, dropped a bin at the security check-in point, and when I was in Salt Lake, I went to fix my duffel bag on my arm and my phone went flying out of my hand. Classic Kayla, right?
I have to say, I am excited to be home in two hours, but I cannot wait to go back to Idaho this Spring to be with my favorite guy and to start my education major. Taylor is like my best friend, I can tell him anything and everything. That's what I like about him.

The End So Far

Today is the last day of classes. Boy am I happy for them to end. I could not stand 5 out of my 6 classes. The only class I really loved and enjoyed was Public Speaking. I went into that class thinking how much I would hate that class. I am not the person who likes to be the center attention and I can get shy in big crowds. This class happened to break me out of my comfort zone and helped me be less nervous. Usually, I'm shy and once I learn about the people I am around, I start to be more comfortable and more myself. If you know me, you will know I am actually a talkative person.
It's funny to think of my first day here on campus. I could not find any of the classes, I was always lost and was thinking, "what the heck did I just get myself into?" But, it was all worth it in the end. I feel like this semester was a huge trial for me. I was still figuring out who cared for me and who was not my friend. I had to get use to living with roommates and not wanting to scream my head off at any of them. I also grew up. Okay,I still have things to work on and need to grow up more. Throughout life we continue to grow and to grow up.
Before I came out here I would get attitudes with anyone and be quick to snap. I would not listen or do the things I needed to do, but with being out here I had to learn some of the adult responsibilities and just grow up and learn that life is rough. Life is never easy, we have to work on it and hope we can get by.
College has taught me that I need to stop procrastinating and to actually learn the essentials I need for my career. Out here I relied on my faith and promptings to know what I should do.
As I was finishing up my Public Speaking class this morning I realized that I should have a better attitude when it comes to people and to classes. Like I said in the beginning, I detested a lot of my classes because they showed me that I did not want to go into Public Relations, but that I wanted to become an elementary education.
Life is about to take me back to Maryland for the next four months. I've missed how green it is, my bed, home cooked meals, my family, my dog and my friends. Yet, on the same hand, I learned to love Idaho and now can say it is a home too. I've met some amazing people that has made me feel like I am worth something, that I am beautiful and I've met people who can make me seriously happy. I'm not ready to leave them during this four month break, but I have to, even though it hurts and it's hard. I'll miss the little things with them. With some friends like Riley and Laura, I'll miss running around campus laughing or walking up to the temple with them. With Kaisey, I'll miss going to the MC and talking to her or going up to the temple with her. I'll miss my FHE brothers and Julie, even though I didn't hang around them a lot, they were some really cool people. I'll miss talking to Kaitlyn. Then, there is one person I will miss a lot and that's Taylor. Taylor is a pretty special guy, he is the guy that has helped me realize who I am and what I want to become. He has made me realize that I really am pretty or beautiful and that I shouldn't let little, small things bother me. I'll miss his hugs and him holding my hand and just being around me. I hate to admit this, but I will miss him tickling me to get me in a better mood. He is my best friend and a great boyfriend. I'll miss all the small and big things about him. These people have changed my life and have changed it for the better. I want them to know I am so grateful for them. I may miss them during these next several months, however I have something to look forward to and that is coming back in April to see most of these amazing people and being able to be around them. They will always be here.

Break

Finally I got a break from school and boy was it great. I was longing to get out of my apartment and to have a nice long break from classes. Last Tuesday when break started and I actually left for Utah last Tuesday afternoon with my boyfriend. We got to Utah around 7:00 pm and didn't really do anything that day. But, on Wednesday, we headed up to Salt Lake City to see Temple Square since I have never been there since this is my first time out west. It was really fun to be with him for that whole day. We toured different areas of temple square and one thing that was crazy was City Creek Mall since you pretty much need to have money to shop there. We went into one store where a shirt was $98.00. Anyway, I do think how weird it is to see the temple surrounded by a lot of buildings in a city. We left Utah on Thursday (Thanksgiving Day) and I had dinner with him and his family. It was fun. I did miss my family during this break, however what I did this break helped me getting over missing them. I will be home in 19 days which is crazy. A part of me is excited to go home and see my family, chill around the house (even though I need to find a job), see my dog, hang with friends and just be back on the east coast and to be able to sleep into 10 or 10:30 am. Yet, another part of me wants to stay here where I can be with my boyfriends and friends. I think it will be a good thing for me to be home for four months.