College life is different than I expected. I thought I would love having roommates, have a lot of friends, go on dates and love my major. But, mostly I am wrong and it's just had a fantasy. Life as a college student is harder than I thought.
In these past seven weeks, I learned a lot about myself. I learned I actually hate frozen food, I can't stand dirty things, I need to learn how to say no to my roommates, I'm not perfect and communication is not for me.
I just recently switched my major from communication with an emphasis in public relations to elementary education. I decided to switch because I am not creative, I don't feel like I am passionate about communication, I hate and I mean hate writing and don't feel like I am a good writer. I also kept getting a thought in my head saying switch your major into education. I also wanted to make a difference and inspire people and with communication I cannot do that. Then, I also love children. I'm hoping this is the right fit and I have known a lot of people who have said I would make a great teacher.
I am actually sick and tired of frozen meals. I have been living off of those horrible things since I have been here and I also have eaten out a lot due to me absolutely hating frozen food. Today I actually ventured out and made food, like real food today. This afternoon, after church I made pancakes and I actually made the batter (box of course but it still counts!). Then for dinner I made chicken and I happen to dip it in egg (it was scrambled with milk in it), parsley, Old Bay, salt and pepper and then I let it sit in the refrigerator for a half hour and after that I cooked it in a pan. I also made a small salad and some Pasta Roni. I am pleased to say it was really good and I am super happy I actually had a real meal. I actually haven't had a real meal since September 11th and that feels like forever ago.
During dinner my two FHE brothers came over to give my two roommates a blessing and I kept getting the impression to ask my FHE brothers for a blessing and today I got my first blessing. I actually needed it really bad and I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father knowing I am having such a hard time up here and having a hard time adjusting into this role as an adult and college student.
I absolutely hate my classes and I struggle with my roommates, I mean I am trying but I have a hard time. I don't feel like going into detail, but let's leave it as I am struggling and trying. Plus, being raised as an only child makes it harder to live with five other people.
I actually noticed tonight that I need to be around positive influences and that is when I am my most happy point and feel like life falls into place.
I have my high and lows here at BYU-Idaho. I honestly, feel like I am bitter and depressed up here but I am trying to get back to that girl who use to be positive and happy and confident. There are times where I am that girl and I want to be at 100%.
I have no idea what the next 7 weeks brings for me but I know in the end result I will be back home where I can have my room to myself, be with my dog and grandparents and just be home where life is less stressful.
Don't get me wrong I love BYU-Idaho, it is I just struggle with some of the people up here and adjusting to this new life I have.
I read your blog for the first time this morning, it made me sad Kayla. You hang in there honey, be the person you were raised to be, don't lose yourself. If you ever just want to talk, I'm here for you. I had no idea you have that many room mates. That never works, too many different personalities in a small area. Just keep your chin up. You'll be home before you know it. Ms. P. xoxo
ReplyDeleteIt will get better, I promise. It is never easy moving away from your family, friends and everything you know; I am talking from experience. Trust in the Lord, and believe in yourself always. You have so much potential, I know it.
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